Where's the damn instruction manual???
x-posted at Raising Reagan and Stepiphany
The older kids are testing every parental resolve I own. I admit here that I am a waffler. I don't passionately come down on any side of any one parenting theory. I have passionate ideas about parenting, passionate preferences; but I don't passionately believe in or abhor corporal punishment; or passionately embrace or disdain unconditional or "free" parenting. We are very strict about some things, and very liberal with others. We are probably "goal oriented" parents; but when we stop and think, that doesn't fit either. We want to raise responsible, caring citizens.
We want to raise self assured, well rounded individuals. These "goals" often are at odds.
The most important thing is that my kids know they are loved. Second, is that they take responsibility for their own happiness. Third, is that they are raised compassionately and learn compassion. I also want them to have a fun and protected childhood, but that is not as important to me as the first three.
It is hard to maintain standards and maintain compassion simultaneously. It is easy to fall back on the way we were parented. It is easy to be judgemental instead of objective. It is hard to understand.
My oldest, extremely bright, son tells me he is just not motivated when I ask how he managed to earn two F's and a D. I do not understand. I might be judging too harshly, but I am worried.
My ten year old daughter doesn't seem to care about consequences, except to try to avoid them by lying and cheating. When she is caught, she seems to have no remorse or guilt. I do not understand. I might be judging too harshly, but I am very worried.
I am considering family counseling, but no one ever likes my ideas.
The older kids are testing every parental resolve I own. I admit here that I am a waffler. I don't passionately come down on any side of any one parenting theory. I have passionate ideas about parenting, passionate preferences; but I don't passionately believe in or abhor corporal punishment; or passionately embrace or disdain unconditional or "free" parenting. We are very strict about some things, and very liberal with others. We are probably "goal oriented" parents; but when we stop and think, that doesn't fit either. We want to raise responsible, caring citizens.
We want to raise self assured, well rounded individuals. These "goals" often are at odds.
The most important thing is that my kids know they are loved. Second, is that they take responsibility for their own happiness. Third, is that they are raised compassionately and learn compassion. I also want them to have a fun and protected childhood, but that is not as important to me as the first three.
It is hard to maintain standards and maintain compassion simultaneously. It is easy to fall back on the way we were parented. It is easy to be judgemental instead of objective. It is hard to understand.
My oldest, extremely bright, son tells me he is just not motivated when I ask how he managed to earn two F's and a D. I do not understand. I might be judging too harshly, but I am worried.
My ten year old daughter doesn't seem to care about consequences, except to try to avoid them by lying and cheating. When she is caught, she seems to have no remorse or guilt. I do not understand. I might be judging too harshly, but I am very worried.
I am considering family counseling, but no one ever likes my ideas.
posted by Stephane at 7:45 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home